I Am NOT a Thing

“I am NOT a thing!”

These words came out of my 8 yr old’s mouth when I was talking to her about why I was upset about underwear. Underwear created by Victoria’s Secret supposedly for college aged women (according to a statement on their Facebook Page), but in reality 15-16 year olds (according to a statement by Chief Financial Officer Stuart Burgdoerfer), and by associations younger teens and tweens. The slogan for the new line of underwear is called Bright Young Things.

Things. Not girls, women, ladies, chicks… things. Ponder that for a moment. You are no longer a girl or a woman but a THING. Feel free to start to get mad now…. A THING doesn’t have feelings, a THING isn’t a person who can be violated. A THING can be used, discarded, laughed at… without feeling remorse.

I explained to Gabby that it had nothing to do with the actual lace and cotton, but about the words on that lace, the girls who the underwear are meant for. Girls who shouldn’t have inappropriate messages on their underwear to be cool and who shouldn’t worry about being sexy. And while I know that other companies have tries to tap into the tween demographic by using over sexualized products to sell, Victoria’s Secret is a lingerie company that also happens to sell sweats and tee shirts on the side. They are in the bra and underwear business.

Maybe you still think that parents are over reacting and that this line isn’t aimed at tweens, that college women are the target audience? How about the fact that Justin Beiber was the performer during their fashion show in November. I know tweens…. I have classes of them who very loudly vocalize their music preference, and Justin Beiber is their guy. College girls? Not so much.

Today alone I have read at least 5 blog posts, watched 2 news reports, and listened to a live conference regarding this topic. I am happy to see people talking about this because so much is at stake. It is not about the underwear alone. It is about the message we are sending to young girls about their body and their self worth. It is the message we are sending boys about the value of our girls. Is a girl only worth something if she is sexy?

Many commenters blame the parents. “If you don’t like it then don’t buy it” was written by many. And to a certain degree I completely agree. But companies need to take some responsibility for their marketing and products. Specifically marketing padded swim tops to 7-11 year olds, makeup to 8-12 year olds, and high heeled sneakers to 6-12 year olds is wrong.

It is a slippery slope of little girls wanting to be older younger and younger. Your 8 yr old daughter comes home and tells you the “cool” girl at school got her legs waxed and that she now wants her legs waxed. You explain that it isn’t appropriate, that body hair is normal and natural, and you let it go. However, at school your little girl is now getting made fun of for having hairy legs, she gets called names and is picked on. And thus the unattainable beauty standards viciousness begins.

So what should you do if you are a concerned/pissed parent? Well go here and sign the petition to start. Boycott companies whose products oversexualize young girls. Write letters, blog, and spread the word about this serious matter. But most importantly educate your girls about the importance of just being a kid and why it is better to wait for grown up stuff until she is grown up more. Say no to padded bras, mascara, high heels, thongs, and such to tweens and even young teens.

Want more resources?

This book is a good place to start, along with this one.

Also, this tee shirt says it all to me- a message I would be proud to have my daughters wear.

But They’re Just Shoes…

For the last year or so I have been trying to be more mindful of the message I am sending to my girls about body image, self worth, and gender stereotyping. I no longer make mean comments about my body (at least out loud… it’s a work in progress!), I don’t head straight for the pink areas of the toy store if I am buying a gift for a little girl, and I am a lot more aware of the marketing that is directed at our girls. This morning a new line of Sketcher’s Shoes came to my attention. Here is the commercial:

I will give you a second to close your mouth and your brain to try to comprehend what you just saw. It looks like some awful 90′s commercial that you would see on SNL. Swag? 2-inch high heels? DADDY’S MONEY?! W.T.H?!

I realize that kids should be able to be fashionable, heck I am the one who just 2 days ago used Kool-aid to dye my 5yr old’s hair! But there are so many things wrong with these shoes, the ad campaign, and the intent that I don’t even know where to begin. And thankfully, I am not the only one. Hop over here to Sketcher’s Facebook Page and scroll through…. there’s a serious public outcry going on.

But the ramifications of these shoes are not important to everyone. When I posted about these shoes on my Facebook page I was met with the comment, “But they’re just shoes.”

And to me, no, they are not just shoes. They are a symbol to our girls that they are not tall enough to be cool, that Daddy makes all the money, that to be cool you have to dress sleazy, wave money around, and wear lots of heavy gold jewelry. It is blatent sexualization of young girls.

People are wrong when they assume that shoes are just shoes. Objects send messages to the world about yourself. They imply things, whether intended or not. My job as a mother is to protect my girls from those messages, explain why we won’t allow questionable items in the house, and help them to see through cheap marketing ploys.

So I am going to take a stand with my voice and my money, I sent a letter to Sketcher’s corporate office regarding the entire line of shoes, and hope that by sharing the commercial and such others will take a stand as well. We can’t sit by and let products like this slide and at the same time wonder how come our girls are growing up as fast as they are.

One Billion Rising

Have you heard about One Billion Rising?

ABOUT ONE BILLION RISING

ONE IN THREE WOMEN ON THE PLANET WILL BE RAPED OR BEATEN IN HER LIFETIME.*

ONE BILLION WOMEN VIOLATED IS AN ATROCITY

ONE BILLION WOMEN DANCING IS A REVOLUTION

On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 14 February 2013, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.

What does ONE BILLION look like? On 14 February 2013, it will look like a REVOLUTION.

ONE BILLION RISING IS:

A global strike
An invitation to dance
A call to men and women to refuse to participate in the status quo until rape and rape culture ends
An act of solidarity, demonstrating to women the commonality of their struggles and their power in numbers
A refusal to accept violence against women and girls as a given
A new time and a new way of being

 

The news is flooded with the story of the Steubenville Rape case, everyday more stories pour in from around the world about gang rapes, murders, abuse of women and girls. It has to stop. As a mother to three little girls I am terrified for their safety as they get older. Am I teaching them everything I know so they can protect themselves? What if they end up in a situation where they are not able to? How can I make sure that they will not become another statistic?

There are events all over Cleveland and I’m sure there are events by wherever you are. So get out there and dance, shout, DEMAND a change!!!! (Zumba is one of the sponsors, get your groove thing going for a cause!)

If you want more information on empowering your daughter (and you as well!) check out Toward the Stars and A Mighty Girl, my Pinterest board, and the Girls Leadership Institute.

I leave you with this…. I’m getting it for my girls bedrooms.

 

Oh Dear… There just aren’t words…

Oh there just aren’t words enough to describe how sad watching this makes me feel. This little girl is so caught up in this world of false beauty and pageantry, all she cares about is winning money. She has been groomed to have an adult attitude that is really repulsive to me.  In her cute little baby voice the words, “A dollar makes me holler” came out…. sickening. And even worse, her parents get her sugared out on Mountain Dew, aka her “Go Juice”, to really make her “shine”.  Ugh!! I know that everyone has their own parenting style and such but really?

Why as a society do we support this kind of entertainment? Why do we encourage shows like Toddlers & Tiaras and 16 and Pregnant to thrive on TV?

Me? I am going to take my girls outside to play in the snow because that is what is important to them… and I am so thankful it is!

How Much Are You Worth?

This week I read a disturbing news story about a human “Barbie doll” who gave her 7 year old daughter a gift certificate for breast enhancement for her birthday. That is on top of giving this little girl a certificate for liposuction in her Christmas Stocking! And this mother insists that her daughter asks- no, BEGS- for these body altering enhancements. What normal 7 year old asks for surgery to enhance her not yet existent bust line? I can tell you that my 7 year old begs for things like lizards and trips to Italy, she looks at photos of lions and and dinosaurs, and thinks about beating her sister at monopoly. She does not have a doubt in her mind that she is AWESOME just the way she is.

My heart aches for this other little girl in the UK who thinks that her worth lies in overly plumped lips, EE breasts, and cellulite-free thighs. It breaks for all the girls in the world who pour over magazines comparing themselves to the air brushed models. And yes, I feel for this woman who thinks so little of herself that she has spent $800,000 in cosmetic surgery to look like a child’s play toy.

This is what it takes to look so pretty:

I have no problem with this woman altering herself to her heart’s content. She is an adult and it is her choice. I do, however, have a huge problem with her imposing she warped ideas of beauty and self-worth on her impressionable daughter. To make her daughter feel like she is not worth as much because she isn’t picture perfect. Girls have a hard enough time with self esteem , eating disorders, unattainable beauty standards, without mothers encouraging and funding surgery.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against surgery to fix things like crooked noses due to hockey fights or breast implants for women who had breast cancer. I am against gross exaggerations of the human form that perpetuates the sexualization of little girls. Your lips should not look like they were stung by a colony of bees! Your face should show some expression when you are surprised! And the chances that your breast can double as a floatation device when you are only 110lbs is highly unlikely!

I know that I have written about my own girls and their self esteem. I hope that I am setting the example that I want the girls to look up to. To show that makeup is fun and helps us show our best self but at the end of the day, when the makeup is off, it is what is left that matters. That skinny doesn’t necessary mean healthy and that curvy isn’t a bad thing. I try to show that even though I am an inch away from Munchkinland, being short has some distinct advantages. (Like buying cropped pants at the end of season for super cheap because on me they are just the right length!) I would hope that this little girls has someone in her life that she can look up to that is not on a quest for becoming 99% synthetic…. but, if not maybe all this publicity will prompt authorities to step in and do something?

Sigh, so that was what was on my mind tonight as I painted AJ’s nails and talked to Gabby about playing sports this spring… how thankful I am that they are enjoying their childhood and how innocent they are to all these pressures and troubles. Maybe though, if more people talk about it and realize what is going on something will change…. maybe. (This is a great article about how to protect your girl against sexualization!)