No Praise Needed

Everyone is talking about it- the father who shot his daughter’s laptop after she complained on Facebook about her parents. I couldn’t even watch the entire video for the same reason that I can’t watch videos of parents spanking their children, berating them, or punishing them harshly- it just isn’t called for.

This father missed a precious moment to rise above the hurt and the anger and teach his daughter that no matter what there is love and understanding in their relationship. He missed the chance to demonstrate respect, show unconditional love, and try to mend a relationship that does not appear to be honest and trusting. I am sure that his daughter’s words hurt his heart and made him angry. That is a normal human reaction. But every parent has the choice as to what happens next. Maybe he forgot what it was like to be a teenager and feel like no one understands the troubles of that age?

I feel sorry for both the father and daughter because fixing a relationship after all of this drama and publicity is going to be hard. But even more so I am appalled and sad for the thousands of people who are cheering this father on, calling him a hero, and someone to look up to for “setting his daughter straight”. Comments like “Best dad ever. parent of the year award right there. Thanks for actually parenting your kid and not letting them get away with everything.” and this gem:

Hahaha!! It’s you people out there that don’t parent your children with a little “tough” love, that are raising Columbine children. If the dad bought that laptop it’s his to destroy. And Americans are allowed to bear arms because that what our founding fathers wanted. Obviously, the child has made the same mistake before, children don’t have freedom of speech until they pay taxes and move out of daddy’s house.

Excuse me?! So because I choose not to react to my children’s anger by shooting up their personal belongings, my child is going to become a murderer? How does this logic make ANY sense? And don’t get me started on the argument that everyone is using, that because the father paid for the laptop it is really his to destroy! My thoughts about that lay here…. Once I give my children things it is THEIR property to do with as they wish. If they want to use it in another way, such as using playing cards to make the spokes on her bike make noise or turn a pair of shoes into planters- that is their choice.

This father make the choice to further widen the gap between himself and his daughter. He chose violence as a means to get a point across. And while everyone is applauding this man’s horrible actions, hardly anyone is realizing that damage that has been done. All they see is that a child acted out and punishment was dealt out accordingly.

The father reads a list of chores that he demands of his daughter, a silly list that he claims takes very little time. If it is so trivial then why put your relationship on the line for it? Is having a neatly made bed that important? And then the father goes on to state the his daughter can buy herself another laptop when she has the money to do so. How long before his holds that over her head because it was his money that she earned, or some nonsense of that nature?

Hopefully one day this father will look back on the video and see just how cruel and humiliating this act was. Hopefully other people will watch it and then amend the way they treat their own children. I can hope right?

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5 thoughts on “No Praise Needed

  1. Connie, we are friends of a friend, but nonetheless I like the way you articulated your point of view on this viral video. I think his extremist behavior, unsuitable for an adult, did need to be discussed as you did.

    1. Thank you very much Hillary for visiting and commenting. If more people thought about how extreme this behavior is than maybe it wouldn’t be as supported.

  2. Wonderfully stated, Connie. You know I agree with your view point and how you parent. I think there are so many better ways in which to deal with situations when feelings are hurt. I believe there is this overwhelming need from so many for children to “obey” which I find to be destructive. Do I appreciate when my children listen to me when I want them to behave in certain ways in public? Most definitely. However, I also appreciate my children’s unique personalities and would never want to squash or hinder them. Thank you for a very well-written post!

    1. Reading all the comments in support of this father makes me angry and sad, there was a chance to mend a relationship and instead I fear that the gap was widened considerably. I am so thankful to have you and other gentle parents in my circle of friends!

  3. I was beginning to think I was the only one that felt this way. Agree with you when it comes to a child’s property, and anything that is regarded as a privilege should be made clear from the beginning. To me, his response to his daughter was worse than what his daughter said to him.

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