Sometimes when I am writing the words just flow, easily, the way cool water trickles down my chin on a hot summer day. Most of the time it is like this actually. Apparently I was born without that filter in between my brain and my mouth/fingers. I just type and out comes everything… my hopes, dreams, frustrations, and hurts. Yes, it has gotten me in trouble once in awhile but for the most part it all works out because I don’t have time to second guess myself and change my answer or thoughts.
My life philosophy is, “Do what you can with what you got, change what you can, and fight like hell for what you want, but in the end- if you have done everything you could- let it go.” It is the philosophy that got me through childhood, through an abusive foster parent, though road blocks, and I turn to it time and time again.
Right now I am in a place where I am fighting like hell but feel so very stuck. It is not anything I can control, other than my reaction. But it is so very hard to continue to pretend, to slap on the plastic smile, to carry the load on my own. Tip toeing is just not my style… I’m more a leaping twirling kind of girl.
I am struggling folks.
I need to find me again. I need to get back to a point where I feel at ease and can breathe fully. I seem to have forgotten how though.